A demisexual is a person who only experiences sexual attraction to someone after forming a close emotional bond with them. This bond is often, but not always, a deep friendship.
Here's a breakdown of the key aspects of the definition:
Emotional Bond is Necessary: The defining characteristic of demisexuality is the need for a significant emotional connection to someone before sexual attraction can develop. Initial impressions or superficial interactions do not typically lead to sexual attraction for demisexual individuals.
Sexual Attraction is Possible: It's important to understand that demisexual people do experience sexual attraction, but the prerequisite is a strong emotional bond. This distinguishes them from asexual people, who experience little to no sexual attraction.
Spectrum of Asexuality: Demisexuality is considered to be on the asexual spectrum. This spectrum includes various identities for people who experience little to no sexual attraction or experience it in specific or limited ways.
Not a Choice: Being demisexual is not a conscious decision or a result of being "slow to warm up" to people. It is an inherent aspect of their sexual orientation.
Independent of Other Orientations: A person can be demisexual regardless of their romantic orientation (e.g., demiromantic, alloromantic), gender identity, or other forms of attraction (such as romantic or platonic attraction). For instance, someone could be a demisexual lesbian, a demisexual bisexual, or a demisexual panromantic.
Here are some common experiences of demisexual individuals:
They rarely experience "love at first sight" or sexual attraction to strangers.
Sexual attraction typically develops over time, often after a significant emotional connection has been established.
They may find the idea of casual sex or sexual encounters with people they don't know well unappealing or even aversive.
The emotional bond doesn't necessarily need to be romantic in nature; it can be a deep platonic connection.
The time it takes to form a sufficient emotional bond for sexual attraction to potentially develop varies greatly from person to person.
Demisexual vs. Asexual:
The crucial difference lies in the capacity to experience sexual attraction under specific circumstances:
Asexual (ace): People who identify as asexual experience little to no sexual attraction to anyone.
Demisexual: People who identify as demisexual can experience sexual attraction, but only after a significant emotional bond has been formed.
Think of it this way: asexuality is the lack or near absence of sexual attraction, while demisexuality is a conditional experience of sexual attraction that requires a close emotional connection to another person.
